A Sneak Peek Into The Future

I was scrolling down my TL and I saw a coursemate’s tweet that took my mind on a short journey, he tweeted the lyrics of 2 Chainz’s Birthday Song, and I laughed at the probability of him being a chief Judge in a few years. The thought led me further, I thought about how several things would be in the next couple of years. Politicians would be more concerned about the content of their Swiss bank accounts than the content of the lie-infested manifesto that gave them the ticket to corrupt wealth. Oil bunkers and notorious fraudsters would easily slip out of prison sentences by handing over Bugatti keys (to be honest, I won’t hesitate to accept that as a judge, just take your mind back to the days of Moses and imagine the car as the blood of the lamb.. all sins are forgiven right? *big smile*). With the disgusting filthiness of minds these days, it wouldn’t be a surprise if male gynecologists will attend to ‘Kim Kardashian-looking’ females before all others. Starting to seem fun yeah? It’ll be actually. Picture Sauce Kid’s son, the politician, under Sinzu Political Party whose motto is ‘Sinzu is Sinzu’.. makes no sense yeah? That’s the point, nothing will.
Oh and our beloved church congregations, everyone seated with their iPads in their hands leaving their dusty Bibles at home, with the Tweetdeck or Temple Run app running while the Bible app is a version that needs an upgrade. Then a ‘spirit-filled’ member tweets “the flippin’ Holy Spirit is up in here y’all! *Rozay grunt*” and 18 other members will retweet, including some of the deacons seated close to the pastor. The preacher on the altar might not mind, he too might not be interested in what he has to say, he just wants to get to the tithing part. The most “blessed” sisters would usher in their clingy dresses silently praying that the husband search behind the desperate smile on their faces will not be in vain as it’s their twelfth church in six months.
What would be really interesting is the education system and the way things would be done, toddlers would be too busy with cartoons and games that ought to be rated 16 to have time to learn the names of the various states or the multiplication table like we did, on the good side, they won’t cry when they are dropped off anymore because they’ll love it! Imagine toddlers looking forward to school, awesome! Secondary schools will replace their bands with twerk teams and their extracurricular clubs will have cool names like ‘hawks’ and such… oh ‘hawks’ is a lame name? No? I thought as much *adjusts shades*. Math formulas would be taught by rappers because that’s the only way the students will listen. Lecturers on the other hand will have their work cut out for them, they’d come on the first day of the semester and write down their account numbers and say stuff like “if you don’t learn enough online, notify me with an alert and if I like what I see I might help you out”.
Our wonderful entertainment industry, (trust me it is wonderful indeed, filled with wonders!) *switches to serious tone* Our music will evolve *holds laughter*, it will develop from the uncategorisable (yes it’s a word I made up) combination of sounds to something too amazing to describe (not sure that means something good), it would be empty yet filled, filled with nothing! I used to have a music playlist titled ‘Noise’, it was a mixture of the songs with the loudest jumbled words and sounds, repeated lines and the most pathetic ‘punchlines’. Why did I create it? Well I too need to get psyched once in a well and aside the high possibility of ear damage, it doesn’t really have other effects.. better than burning green leaves right? *adjusts halo*. By then there would be a musician with the name.. say… Kush Descendant and he’ll just go into the studio, brag about blowing ‘trees’ and blowing money, pledge allegiance to the game and to a couple of fallen angels and throw in a bunch of other delinquent stuff (as his intoxicated mind chooses) and later on decide to drop an album with all the tracks being practically just one song trying unsuccessfully to have any form of meaning. Nollywood on the other hand would be making movies with more “parts” than the number of episodes in a foreign series.
There’s more goodnews! We’ll have more shows, yes more tv shows, infact too many for people to keep up with. There would be Nigeria’s very own Thirteen and Pregnant, we might have our own 90210 for the insecure wives of billionaires, the Real Housewives of Lekki, I’m a Househusband and I’m Proud! (unemployment might be that bad), a Boko Haram documentary titled Blown Away, a show about confused kids like Willow Smith who think they are bisexual or a show like Jerry Springer for teens who think they’re going through mid-life crisis of some sort, who knows, every young child then might be in therapy.
There will be numerous shows of course but I want you to be surprised *excited grin* *tongue out*.
For our young females who misinterpret the saying “less is more”, strutting around with shredded pieces as clothing would be in vogue. There would be no limits, no boundaries, after all they are indeed young, wild and free.. speaking of young, wild and free, Wiz – inspired young men would proudly honour their mentor by covering their with skins with tattoos and letting their jeans hang so low, wearing none wouldn’t make any difference. Also bear in mind the many lost ones who would drop out to pursue their dreams when the only place they’ll be living those dreams is in their dreams. Adults might not be able to control teens so most would have between 0 – 2 kids to limit the chances of them passing on from hypertension. Children would be raising babies of their own and it just might blend in alongside ridiculous and countless piercings, body modification and all the other norms the next generation would nurture.
I know I’ll be a cool parent anyway so I’ll enjoy this generation and the next. These things may not even be so bad, like they say, who makes the rules? *shrugs*.

Authored by Kanyinsola,

Kanyinsola’s one of our authors here on La Critique and runs her own blog at http://www.whisperingnotes.wordpress.com
Follow her on Twitter @MsTeeDairo

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