Nigerian Music Advanced Learner’s Dictionary

Posted: March 30, 2013 in Uncategorized

Of Nigerian music, the ‘wining’ waist epidemic and new words to add to the Nigerian urban dictionary (there’s one in existence right?)
Oi! Haychizzle in da hizouse! Yo warrido?
LAL!
Hi y’all.
Forget all that nonsense I just wrote oh, I’m obviously high from all the air freshener I’ve been inhaling in this office. Before I go any further, that’s one long ass title right? I bet you haven’t ever come across that long a title right? Well except Fiona Apple’s last album title about an idler wheel blab la bla…. err; I can imagine someone’s scrunched up face like ‘huh? Who tha heck is Fiona Apple??! Well, if you don’t know Fiona Apple, then I’m sorry I can’t help you!

Okay, moving on. Today I’m going to be writing about Nigerian music (yes yes I know, you’ve read too many articles about Nigerian music, Ehen? So? Has it stopped the artistes from singing their balderdash? No. So read!! Frankly I’m really tired of some of our musicians, no, not tired, I’m exhausted from the tons of trash I have to listen to, day in day out. Some just plain hilarious, a lot cringe worthy but hey, who’s complaining? So long as we have it drummed into our ears for hours on end from different sources ranging from the CD vendor with the mega loud speakers, to the radio stations as well as my mum’s transistor radio that I was tortured with on Saturday which is the inspiration for this article. I was in a situation where I had to listen to all of Timaya’s current album ( I say a situation because it was a car I was in that was taking me to work and I could not ask to be dropped on Eko bridge or something, hence, my endurance).

A particular song struck me though and it was one where he implored whichever young woman he was singing to or about, to ‘wine up her body like a monkey’… I was like huh? A monkey? For real? I was at the height of confusion. Are monkeys sexy? Are monkeys now the embodiment of what sexy should be? I’m talking about monkeys here oh! The image just doesn’t cut it for me, in fact there is NO image my brain says! Moving on though, why do most musicians want the ladies to ‘wine’ or ‘shake’ something for them in all their songs? Is that all the ladies are about? Just to ‘wine’ and ‘shake, shake, shake it akpiripitantan shake it’ (in Flavour’s voice) what if all the ladies formed an association against all this wining and shaking rubbish and actually went on strike? Worth a thought right? Anyways Naija artistes are blessed whichever way you want to look at it and that’s why they’re going to keep making their crappy music and keep smiling to the bank. We must not forget though that behind all the ‘trashiness’, there are some hidden nuggets of wisdom be it in a line or a sentence or heck even the whole song! What with all the new words and phrases we have to learn every day and add to our already bulging vocabulary, that’s another reason why I chose to write this article to share with you all the amazing wisdom these songs have taught me and hope you all learn a thing or two.

Merriam -Webster please take note
Nigerian urban dictionary please exist
You don’t know Merriam-Webster? I’m sorry, I can’t help you.

DISCLAIMER: ALL THOUGHTS AND OPINIONS ARE THE WRITER’S. AT NO POINT HAVE I MET WITH ANY OF THE MUSICIANS AND FOUND OUT THESE MEANINGS.
TAKE ME SERIOUSLY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

ALINGO : refers to a kind of dance, which occurs as a result of the girl you have the hots for, first making you bark like a bingo (sic) (while obviously moving her wings), then you sing, and then the Alingo dance comes in . Mating ritual perhaps? No? Okay, moving on.

SKIBO : another kind of dance, which you obviously do ‘along the line’ but you want to know the mind-blowing part? Everyone on that line has a pillow and is a hero! Aha! Bet you didn’t see that coming, did you? If I were you, I’d be doing the Skibo all my life cos let’s face it the whole world loves a hero.

TAKE BANANA : what is a banana? A banana is a fruit. So what exactly were you expecting me to say? Obviously D Prince is into healthy living and all so hey *kanye shrug* what do I know? Ladies please ‘take banana’ regularly!!

KEDIKE : refers to the sound of your heart beating when you’re in love. Hey, who knew?
YOUR WAIST : refers to the waist (of course what else would it refer to?) but did you know there’s actually a list of ‘model’ waists? E.g. Tonto Dikeh, Tiwa savage, Yvonne Nelson, etc ladies please take note.

TONY MONTANA : refers to a bad ass, (we all know Tony Montana was bad right, not as bad as Chuck Norris though) as in when you’re so bad that the definition of bad is you (see what I did there? No? Ok moving on)
P.S. if you don’t know Tony Montana nor Chuck Norris, you know what I always say right?

FIRST OF ALL : forget everything you learnt when you were given the elements with which to summarize a story , now when you say ‘first of all’ this is the next line that must follow…

GO DOWN LOW : what comes immediately after first of all. Das all!!

ARE YOU A LEARNER? : This is a question asked at the mind blowing moment you realise Olamide does not look like Awilo Logomba!

SUGAR CANE NO BE BAMBOO : Refers to the point when you eventually find out this wonderful fact after listening to the deep song ‘gaga crazy’ from whence the quote came. Then you will infact realise that sugarcane is indeed NOT bamboo 😛 (I said whence LOL! Kaiii, Shakespeare steeez *puts on cool shades*)

EMI NI BALLER : refers to when you’re the ultimate baller and spender that no one else can rival. Please note that this phrase is for certified big boiz and gehs only. Thank you.

SELLING POINT : refers to that which makes you stand out . Really you’ve got to give it up to D Prince for his ‘Frenzy’ album, dude got people thinking with this one as the song asked, ‘what’s your selling point’? ‘Do you know your selling point’? ‘You gats to know your selling point’ ‘oya identify your selling point’…. *sigh* if it didn’t get you thinking then you’re not a deep person, I’m sorry. Think and answer this question to move forward in life. A word is enough….

GOODY BAG : refers to a bag that contains cookie? Money and apparently D Prince’s banana is also contained in this goody bag? D prince is also the one to contact if you need this goody bag. So do you want this goody bag?

Phew! I think I should stop here for now. Please, feel free to use the comment box to add your words or phrases and their meanings for compilation.
Thank you thank you
Obrigando, gracias, danke schon, assante sanna, Siyabonga etc
If you’ve been confused reading this as I was confused writing it then….
I’m sorry I can’t help you! ( ˘˘̯)
Peace out!

Authored By Helen ( @haYchRoxx)

Helen is one of our authors here at La Critique and can be reached at ai51182@yahoo.co.uk

Follow @LaCritique_ng on Twitter and like http://facebook.com/TheCritiques on facebook.
Thanks for stopping by, We love you. Seriously, we do!

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Comments
  1. Yejide says:

    LMAO!!!!!!!

  2. Oh na na na na! All d Ladies….Kukere…Kukere is a Collective name for Ladies

    Free Madness is madness that is free…das all!

    Well, toast to d OAPs, and the Audience…!

  3. Kukere should be the name of All d Ladies, while Free Madness is Madness that is free…das all!

    Hilarious…tho d joke is on us

  4. henry says:

    Nice article, naija lacks lyrical contents and I don’t blame them. I blame those that send dem to the bank. What’s ‘his’ selling point?

  5. So, Kukere should be a term for ‘All the Ladies’….and Free Madness would be…errr Madness that is free, dasall!

    The media is culpable, the passive undecided audience is culpable too…

  6. Slow~Wynd says:

    “Omoge olosan gbe wa”…….orange seller, bring your oranges……Apparently, all sexy ladies are now orange sellers! Mehn! what in ostrishishishire happened to iyanya?!!! (۳º̩̩́_º̩̩̀)۳

    • jiraiya says:

      Well,he realized u gotta sing nonsense to smile to d bank…all the R nd B stiz wasn’t working! Walla,aint he smiling to d bank now? To tink I hate oranges! (˘̯˘ ) msheew

  7. plaerz says:

    lmaoooo…dis article is jst crazzzzzzzy!!!..was nt expecting it to turn out dis way…niceeee….I love eeeet!!

  8. jiraiya says:

    “Omo pastor ton fe DICKen”…my favorite! Now,does the pastors daughter want a dicken or does she want a dick-en! Hmmmm,we need to seek Ajebutter!
    “Black Mamba”…To tink my teachers lied to be me bout the black mamba being a dangerous snake! Thank u dbanj…now I knw the truth! Lmao

  9. #Baddo, let the #Chairman through. #ibile United needs to play N’igboro. So, some marketers say; ‘Music making or Money making?’ Choose.

  10. @kojo_XO says:

    Reblogged this on 1 Xtra Ordinary Life.

  11. Bettie says:

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    traffic. It can go viral if you give it initial boost, i know very useful service that can help you, just search in google:
    svetsern traffic tips

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