Questions That Keep Me Up At Night

Posted: November 14, 2012 in Music, Politics, Uncategorized

So I had pondered and pondered on what to write, countless sleepless nights, and then it hit me, Eureka! I had an ‘Aha’ moment (not the music group oh) like some of you even know ‘Aha’ the music group *rme* oya run to Google *tongue out* . Lol. Ok people don’t get mad please continue reading, I beg you *straight face*. This article isn’t even about Aha anyways so moving on…

Since I had so many sleepless nights, I decided to put that into good use and write about all those thoughts that haunt me. So here goes; please feel free to ponder on these thoughts as well as add yours, and if this article leads you to have sleepless nights like me then I’ve fulfilled my purpose :‎​Ð
The questions will start with ‘what if’?

What if I had gotten pregnant fourteen years ago? Would my son(yes I’d have had a son) be as hot as me? Would he have called me aunty cos he’‎​Ð just be too overwhelmed by my sexiness to call me mummy?

What if I were a guy? Would ladies have loved me like Chris Brown? Would the gals want my ‘D’? Would I have been able to set unlimited ‘P’s on twitter? Would Chika have married me? Would I have been taller?

What if Abiola had become the President of Nigeria in 1993? Would Nigeria have been better? Would he have been the messiah?

What if Abacha didn’t die? Would he still have been in power?

What if GEJ had shoes while growing up? Would Nigeria be in this mess it’s in right now with his clueless leadership?

What if I hadn’t met Babalola on that cold windy night at the AA meeting? Would he have given me the chance to write on La Critique? *Grateful tears* 😛

What if Vanessa Kanu actually became sane? Would she become the next president of Nigeria?

What if Obama IS the anti christ? Won’t we all wish we hadn’t laughed at Femi Fani Kayode’s article (if you haven’t read it I’m so sorry I can’t help you, or maybe Babalola will post a link?) Wouldn’t we just push GEJ aside and make F.F.K president?

What if Adele decided to drink hypo after her boyfriend broke her heart ? Would we have been blessed with her awesome songs?

What if someone actually took Babalola’s article about how to become Nigeria’s president, follows all the steps and actually becomes president?

What if the numbers Americans will get (as regards Obama’s health care plan) is what will actually be the ticket to heaven? *dodges shoe, slap, cane, kicks and runs to timbuktu* 😛

What if the world DOES end on the 21st of December according to the movie ‘2012’, wouldn’t people like Kendra feel bad about not listening and feel sorry for writing that article, calling us who believe this dumb? -_-

What if the arks are actually being made in China?

What if Noah hadn’t allowed the mosquitoes and those wicked black ants into the ark?

What if Vanessa hadn’t introduced me to Lana Del Rey’s music?

What if Lana Del Rey actually agrees to elope with me? (That’s if she actually gets to ever read any of my fan mails and tweets 😦 )

What if Twitter didn’t exist?

What if we didn’t have the bathroom to think all those awesome life changing thoughts?

What if Maxwell decides I’m the love of his life, his soul mate (yes Maxwell the artiste)

What if I wasn’t wearing my matching bra and panties right now? Would I have this much inspiration?

What if Chuck decides to become a Priest?

What if M.J didn’t die? Would I have saved\stolen\ sold stuff enough to go and see him at the O2 arena?

What if Tonto Dikeh actually releases an album and it goes platinum and she breaks into the American market and wait for it…

…Wait for it…

Grammy! *Faints at such thoughts*

What if Madonna’s kiss has lost its potency for ending careers? Because if it hasn’t, please tell me why Nicki Minaj is still relevant???

What if I eventually agree to … (Arggggh! Lost that train of thought)

What if those guys on Glee didn’t agree to sing some of our favourite songs while ruining it in the process or making it so overly dramatic! Don’t get me wrong I think those guys can sing (with exception of Finn) I love Kurt but they should say no to singing some songs.

What if Fela didn’t die?

What if Biafra DID come into existence?

What if Chika finds out that …(Aaarrrrgh! Another lost thought, Damn!)

What if I wasn’t so HAWT? *shudders at the thought*

What if the Holocaust hadn’t happened? Or Hitler wasn’t born?

What if we all died and went to Heaven and Morgan Freeman IS actually God??? *dodges another round of bullets, planks, shina rambo CD’s* 😛

What if there was no internet?

What if the missing chunk on the apple icon is eventually found and glued back on?

Ok I feel I’m losing it so I’ll just stop here…
Ok, just one last question…

What if the world DOES go under and it was just left for Babalola and Vanessa to replenish tha earth???

*runs to shokolokobangoshe*
Wait, that’s an actual place right?

Peace out y’all!

PS: Do add your ‘what if’s’ or questions that keep you up at night in the comments section

Authored By Helen,

Helen is one of the authors here at La Critique and can be reached at
Follow her on Twitter @HaYchRoxx

Follow @LaCritique_ng on Twitter and like us on facebook

  1. 'Lola says:

    LOL!! What if Chuck Norris hadn’t been to Mars, would there be any signs of life there?

  2. schikzbabe says:

    What if my name wasn’t Chika and Helen didn’t mention it twice in this article?

  3. jiraiya says:

    Well,today must be ur lucky day as I hav answers to some of these questions: 1) Vaneesa cannot be sane. 2) if it were left to babs nd vaneesa to replenish the earth, lots of weird kids alert! *runs and hides*. Lol. My question is, wat if Eve did not eat that freaking apple, she just had to put us in d state we are now! Women! Aaargh!

  4. adeola says:

    Nce article

  5. kunle olawale says:

    Lmao @ al missing chunk in the apple…..”. Helen of life! U r officially mad!

  6. Vanessa says:

    LMFAO!!! Great piece, Haych! But ehm…@Jiraiya: it’s V-a-n-e-s-s-a… Not Vaneesa… Reminds me of my old math teacher, Mrs. Onagbesan. :p

  7. Haych says:

    What if Chika doesn’t know she might not be the one the writer is referring to? :p
    @babalola, na una two go abi -_^
    @Jiraiya, thanks for the addition LOL!
    @Adeola, thank you
    @Kunle, ‘helen of life’ choiii! see title LOL, thanks
    @Vaneesa :p, thanks sweety

  8. Patrick says:

    What if all human farts in history have been secretly stored in the atmosphere to be released on the people in due time? That would be great payback for all we have done to the atmosphere with our rears.

    What if I wrote this piece instead of Helen?

    Ok I feel I’m losing it so I’ll just stop here…

    Great Piece Haych.

  9. jiraiya says:

    Wat if I’m the re-incarnation of “Vaneesa’s” grumpy old maths teacher (assuming she’s dust)! Vaneesa,bite me! Hehehe!

  10. Vanessa says:

    @Jiraiya… Careful what you wish for hon. I’m a rabid bitch. 🙂

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