The 10 must haves while driving in Lagos

Posted: October 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

Lagos, the city that never sleeps’,or ‘concrete jungle’ just like the famous city of New York. Some other people refer to it as the ”home of hustlers’. Others call it plain ol’ ‘lasgidi’. In the words of Banky W ‘aint no party like Lagos party…’ Personally if I were permitted to coin my own Lagos phrase, it would be: ‘the craziness we call Lagos’.
There are many (many many many x 1 million)reasons why Lagos can be described as ‘crazy’, but for the sake of this particular piece of writing, I’d like to focus on the craziness involved in driving in this amazing city of ours.
On the topic of driving in lasgidi, I’ve come across quite a number of people who have very vehemently stated that they could drive anywhere else in Nigeria and even the world at large, but they WOULD NEVER drive in Lagos. Buhahahahahahahahahhahahahah *stifles evil laughter* *adjusts glasses* I really don’t blame them though, driving in general is not for the feeble minded, it takes a lot of strength starting a car and driving into the road knowing fully well that you could very easily skid off a bridge, drive into another car or run someone down with your car. Now take all those fears and multiply them by … well infinity (crazy bus drivers, sharp bends, un-forseen ditches, bad roads, lastma 🙂 ,tanker drivers (I particularly hate those), floods, traffic et al). Definitely NOT for the feeble minded, especially when it comes to Lagos matter *insert applause for drivers all over the world* … *standing ovation for drivers in Lasgidi*
I have therefore decided that those people strong and confident enough to risk driving in the craziness that is Lagos (una get mind o) need to be armed with what I call ‘The 10 must haves while driving in Lasgidi’, to help make their everyday journey in the city of Lagos a little (just a little) less, errr…crazy.

1. A jerry can in the trunk of your car. I mean this is Lagos, fuel scarcity situations crop up out of absolutely nowhere. For example, I honestly thought we had just survived one episode of fuel scarcity recently only to behold an even longer queue on my way home from work yesterday. Does it ever end? Jeez!

2. Music. A musical playing device of any sort would suffice. It may be a cd-player, a phone, an mp3 player or even a cassette player. Whatever your preference: Afro beat, R ‘n’ B, Jazz, Country, Fuji, Soul or Davido (cos his songs don’t fit into any genre *straight face*) This may be the one thing that will keep you from going bonkers.

3. A charming smile. This may very well be your best bet, after all other attempts to get out of a static lane has failed #very frustrating. 1st Note: This may only work for us cute people o. 2nd Note: Limit the cute charming smiles to the opposite sex only, I hear its 14 years these days.

4. Loud horns. The nigga refuses to move, blast your horns till infinity *big smile*. Are they making arrests for noise pollution yet? Errrr…

5. N150. A sausage roll(gala, super bite, Bigi, Rite, Meaty, beefy, all join ni o) with a bottle of lacasera or fanice ice cream (my personal favorite) may save you from the anger which may really just be hunger.
If you are however caught breaking the new ‘no eating while driving’ traffic law, emmmm…OYO.

6. An air conditioning system or good ventilation. No joke about it o, heatwave kills. Plus you do not want to arrive at your destination with smeared mascara and powder patches on your face or sweat-marks on your shirt. Not appealing.

7. Sharp reflexes. No dulling at all o. Its either that or be prepared to take your car in for body work every other month. Repeat after me: THIS IS LAGOS.

8. The right attitude. Mother always told me ‘when driving, assume your are the ONLY sane person on the road’. That sure explains some driving stunts I’ve witnessed, especially by bus drivers.

9. Make sure to check your car before you leave home for water, oil and the likes. Nothing more frustrating than your car breaking down on 3rd mainland bridge or any bridge for that matter. No one will most likely stop for you on a bridge. Flashing the cutest and most charming smile will not work this time. Don’t say I never warned you. Lagosians are not exactly nice people. Trust me. Plus the fear of lastma is the beginning of wisdom!

10. Patience. This will be the only thing that will take you home to your family in one piece. You do not want to be that person trapped inside a crushed car.

After all has been said sha, nothing beats that blood pumping moment, when you sharply over take another seemingly smart guy, or the adrenalin surge you get when break your last speed limit while crossing 3rd mainland bridge (errrrr…I am in no way saying you should speed on the bridge o, or am I? *raised eyebrow*).
I’m pretty sure it would be a tad boring driving in a city without crazy bus drivers hauling insults at you (or does this happen to just me cos I’m a chic? *sad face*). Or in a city where no one is in a hurry, and everyone is driving like my grandpa, now that would be the definition of frustrating.
So this is our very own Lagos and we love it, ‎​​love ‎​it, love it, craziness and all(except on monday mornings).


Authored by Chika,

Chika is one of our authors here at La Critique and can be reached at
Follow her on twitter @Cheeka_Nnachi

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  1. PatrickQW says:

    Fine piece with incisive 😛 points Cheeka. Proving me wrong, right? English sha.*Smh* One question though; grandpa drives? Correkt somtin. I hail o.

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