This and That

Posted: November 10, 2011 in Movies, Music
Tags: , , ,

So here I am listening to the song ‘Carolina’ by Saucekid ft. Davido, and I still don’t know what I’m going to write about. It’s Monday morning and I’m feeling sleepy because I had a late night (don’t ask). Eureka! I know what this article is going to be about. It’s going to be about ‘this and that’ (I can imagine raised eyebrows at this) ehen? Yes? If you have a problem with it well *shrugs*. Lately I’ve had a coupla’ things really ticking me off and this is the avenue I’m going to talk about them.

First I’d like to talk about Nigerians and their love for mediocrity, especially in our music industry. I’ve watched tons of videos and listened to megatons of songs and it’s as if it gets worse by the day cos I don’t seem to understand the path our music is going these days. Lyrical content is on an all time low, you listen to some songs and you’re just like “WHAT THE FACK??” Daily, our ears and eyes are ‘raped’ by these songs and then you put on your TV and BAM! the videos accost your eyes and then you’re like “THE FACK”?? you see the chicks acting like their lives depend on whatever part of their anatomy they are shaking at that point in time, weird looking guys with funny looking clothes, fake blings and then there’s so much colour (or lack of it) you could actually get blinded. I know some people might be like yeah yeah, what’s she on about now but honestly let’s tell ourselves the truth, yes the world is evolving and Nigerian music is going places but seriously at what cost? You see and hear new music every day and it just seems like everyone is a musician these days abi who doesn’t wanna go for shows and make thousands of naira? Become a GLO ambassador and make millions? Drive the latest cars and all that ish? It’s gotten so bad that it’s now a rat race so the consumer, me, gets to be the ‘lab rat’ on which all these products (the songs) are tested on…Finally, FACK???!

These days you hear people who don’t have any business going near a microphone much less sing/ rap or whatever, churning out songs like five Naira akara. Rushed and half baked/ cooked beats + CRAPPY depthless lyrics and behold a song is born. Or how else can you explain why anyone would apparently go into the studio, pay for several studio sessions and come out with a song that goes

‘make you follow me, follow me for twitter, my facebook don full oh myspace too don full so make you follow me follow me for twitter’

Like seriously??? Who advises these people? Don’t they have friends? Parents?? Hence my thesis about Nigerians’ love and acceptance of mediocrity, because honestly if the bar was raised a notch higher (ok, maybe several notches) I think the musicians would know they’d have to work harder to impress their listeners but as it is that is not the case at all cuz it seems there’s an unspoken rule that hey what matters is that you start getting shows and you’re made! They play your crap on the radio and at the clubs and you’re a ‘star’. Am i the only one who’s not getting this?

So what happens if I wanna just listen to a song to soothe me? Not dance to or disturb my neighbors with. What happened to when music used to make sense? When it wasn’t all about the boobs or ass on a girl or how many cars you own, the chicks you bone or the bling bling you wear, and whatever baseless thing you choose to sing about. What happened to conscious music? Telling a story or making one up for all I care and not how your enemies are now angry at your ‘success’ cos you don ‘hammer’. Sing to me, let your music make me think, reason or make me smile genuinely and wanna share, put some sense into it and if you can’t write, hell hire a songwriter and let everyone work and be happy. I’m not saying all Nigerian musicians are bad, before some people call for my head we have some Great artistes that make my soul glad when I listen to them as opposed to the weeping it does while listening to the other ones.

I should give credit where credit is due and hail some dope producers who have some really madt beats but really a producer can only do so much and a song is not all about the beat, what are you doing to stay relevant? Will I wanna hear your song three months from now? Will I even remember it? Would I wanna quote or meditate (not spiritual) on

‘I wanna put it on like 1,2,3, wanna put it on you like 1,2,3… everytime x18 you wan dey use me like a roll on, roll on, bla bla bla’

Common people I know some songs are just supposed to be fun songs and all but I think a lot of people are taking advantage of that too much and making it seem like that’s what music should be all about. I’m not trying to pick on any particular musician but I’m just saying y’all could do better. Entertain me; thrill me, that’s why you’re an artiste for Pete’s sake! (who tha hell’s Pete by the way?) Oh, before I forget I like ‘Carolina’ by Saucekid and Davido sha

Now to Nollywood, please oh, what’s with all the crappy films that get churned out every day and with crazily stupid titles to boot, yes they keep giving the excuse of the industry still growing but is it gonna grow on the CRAP that you make and sell? It’s just like the music industry, anyone just picks up a camera gathers ‘actors and actresses’ (side eye) together and BAM! a movie’s made woo hoo! And they keep crying about piracy, but please tell me if you wanna fry my brain with your senseless stories, terrible production and horrible plastic acting then why da heck would I wanna buy the ‘unpirated’ copy of your 6 part or more movie? All released at once, won’t that be a death sentence on ma self? Please people let’s be sincere with ourselves Nigerian movies are not it at all; I’m not saying foreign movies are perfect but at least they are bearable to an extent. And please what’s with all the ‘funny’ and annoying titles? Why (for the love of Jesus Christ) would I wanna act in a movie titled ‘Lady Gaga’ biko? Why why why *insert weeping sounds here*. It’s like our so called actors don’t give a hoot “abeg just pay me and lemme ‘act’ and go my way joor”, but what about your career, your dignity? Nollywood movies like ‘Ben 10’, ‘Small Shit’, ‘2pac’, ‘Beyonce and Rihanna’, ‘Chicken Madness’, ‘Iraq and Afghanistan’(aki and pawpaw naturally), ‘Bottom on Fire’, etc.

Ben Ten!! Really??

Beyonce and Rihanna!! Sheesh!!

Icould go on and on but I’m sure we all get the picture! Nollywood please you guys should all wake up and smell the coffee (abi na puff puff) and start giving us movies we can be proud of and not gag while watching!

Now just quickly I wanna talk about the fashion trends of these days, what’s up with all the skinny jeans and funny looking clothes guys are wearing these days? You see some guys and you’re like OMGG!!! Did this dude leave his house like this? Our celebrities too are not left out; it’s like the smaller, the tighter, the better. Please guys I’m not saying don’t be fashionable or move with the times, but honestly less is more (not wearing less clothes oh) and simplicity should be your watchword. Plus if you know you ain’t got the physique for such apparels then don’t bloody wear them and assault our eyes at every turn. Let me not even start with colour combos at all because that one is another matter entirely.  I just feel it’s all being over done so please guys tone it down a notch. Not leaving out the ladies though y’all are guilty of the same offence!

Ok I guess that’s it from me for now…

And I’m out like Kim K.

Authored by Helen (
Helen is one of our admins here at ‘La Critique and can be reached at

Follow her on Twitter @Haychroxx, and LaCritique @LaCritique_ng

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