5 things that piss me off about Lagos!

Posted: May 24, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

It’s a lovely, wet and cold Monday morning as I sit here to write this article. I’ve actually been writing this article in my head for weeks now but hey glory glory it’s actually gonna see the light of day, YAY! Ok moving on…This article is going to be about five things that piss me off about Lagos and why I still love it errrrrrrrrrr, really? Ok here goes…
The rainy season is here again YAY! Roll out tha drums, blow tha trumpets, put out d carpet, NOT! Yeah I can imagine the looks I’ll get for this, what? ‘She doesn’t like rain’? ‘Who doesn’t like rain’? No more heat every where’s so cool everything’s just, just… run outta words to say cos YES! I DO NOT LIKE THE RAINY SEASON! There I said it so sue me. For me, rainy season + rain+ water+ bad roads = floods, endless traffic, cars and buses breaking down, people who live in swampy areas or maybe not even swampy but areas wit terrible drainage literally ‘swimming’ to get to their houses, etc…

Yeah, yeah I know you’re gonna say but it’s not all bad things that comes with the rainy season na, what about the crops that need rain? What about boiled/ roasted corn and coconut/pear (or any other thing that you eat it with), what about the weather being so cool and helping my skin glow (wait oh, is that during harmattan? *scratches head*), what about the babies (since I hear this is the time most women take in *winks*, what about the urge to wanna cuddle, blah blah blah! Yeah all that too but what I’m concerned about is the state of the roads and everyone knows Lagos is ‘blessed’ with a lot of them and then the rains come and make it all worse… you get my drift right? So I’m pissed about that not because I hate nature or natural gifts or whatever it’s just the aftermath… moving on!

Another trend that pisses me off in this very wonderful mega city of ours is the ‘Staff’ syndrome! Yeah we all know them, those ‘honorable’ dudes or chicks all geared up in whatever military or paramilitary uniform they identify with. Enter public transport and you’ll see a lot of drama, if not from the driver, It’ll be the conductor or heck even the passengers. But the drama these ‘staff’ cause most times is like nothing you’ve ever seen. Ok, here’s the scene; time for the collection of fares in a bus and you hear ‘staff’, in fact most conductors know better than to ask these ‘staff’ for money. I really don’t get it though and I always ask myself “is this staff really doing the conductor, driver or the other passengers a favor by gracing us with his or her presence in this bus or what”? Why do I have to pay and he doesn’t? Are we going to be accident free in the bus or something else? On and on the questions go in my head, as I boil with anger inside.
The real trouble though is when they happen to be more than one in a bus, you’ll see the other person(s) squirming uncomfortably and looking shifty eyed. Sometimes they can even be up to five in a bus and still refuse to pay (I’ve witnessed this) I mean COMMON guys that’s really unfair because the vehicle doesn’t run on water or air which are both free, it runs on petrol which costs money to buy and yes the money comes from the fare you blatantly refuse to pay! It’s really annoying because some of these guys go as far as exchanging words with or fighting with the conductors all because of a measly amount of money. This is really irritating because you’d think these guys don’t get paid for their services to the nation or don’t take money when they’re leaving their houses or something like that. So I’d just like to state with all the fury I can muster that if it ain’t your bus, if someone ain’t paying your fare and if you ain’t even humble about it then just friggin’ pay your fare and save us all the embarrassment of you disgracing that uniform you wear, shikena (p.s. did I fail to mention that most of them have terrible B.O. #justsaying)!

Area boys, area boys, oh how I loathe the all! Yep you got my next rant all figured out already abi? I’ll confess I’ve never hated or had a murderous or evil thought toward anyone for as long as I can remember, but really these so called area boys really bring out the worst thoughts in me as well as make me cringe… I watch them tormenting drivers, conductors, passersby, normal citizens, and even private car owners, wreaking havoc and I think of the many things I’d like to do to them. Especially when they start harassing a driver or conductor or seize something from a bus you’ve boarded thereby causing delay cos the driver has to go get it back and then there’s the fighting, screaming , cussing, etc. I just imagine myself with a pump action rifle, shooting them all down one at a time with an evil maniacal laughter echoing around me… Or another thought is that of gathering them all and leading them into a gas chamber (Hitler style) yeah, yeah I know what you might think of me at this point (told you they bring out the worst thoughts in me) and no I’m NOT a fan of Hitler or any of his doings or policies but I HATE area boys! There, I said it sue me, dislike me, whatever but truth be told, they are a menace to society, they keep getting larger in size every day since it’s a very lucrative business. I think and they should be taken care of mafia style or the other… #justsaying.
*Deep sigh* at this point but I’ll vent on!
So have you ever looked forward to hanging out with your friends on a Friday night at this highly talked about place that you just can’t wait for Friday to come and when it finally does the day goes like breeze and the night comes and ooooooh mama! You’re practically floating and then you get to the so called great spot and you are just highly disappointed? Or as I would like to translate in pidgin “dem jus fall ur hand”? That happened to me and my close friend recently at this place on the island (won’t say the name so I don’t give them free publicity: p) but it starts with an ‘N’. Okay so some other friends of ours told us about this place and we agreed to definitely check it out and so we did, nice environment with average parking I must say but that was the only thing they had working for them really. Ok the interior was kinda average too and then we all sat and the waiter came and brought the drink menu. Chineke! See prices I gulped first and the stupid C.D they were playing was already giving me a headache cos it kept skipping and now these prices… Well, I ordered sha (won’t tell you what) and we waited, then we also ordered some ‘asun’ (goat meat) and that nearly took an eternity to arrive so here I was at this ‘tush’ joint with my highly watered down drink, thanks to too much ice and my harder than I could chew ‘asun’. Oh, don’t forget the skipping C.D, WTF! Nice right. Well at the end of it all we got over charged cos the very ‘nice’ waiter said he thought we ordered what we didn’t order and what we know we weren’t even served but still had to pay for cos none of us was in a ‘fighting’ mood. Thus our night ended and it made me miss my local bar where I would have gotten my chilled bottle of Smirnoff, wonderful tasting ‘asun’ and great music all for half or not even up to half of what I spent ‘on the island’ mtscheeeeeeeeeeew! You can guess where I went to the next Friday! It’s not by highbrow oh; it’s by what you’re offering me for the money I’m going to spend!
Okay I said five things right? But it already feels like I’ve written too much so I’m gonna stop here for now. Hope I’ve been able to tell you about the things that make my mega city Lagos tick and why I love it so much. Or wasn’t that what I set off to do? Abeg I don’t know again joor! Whatever it is Lagos is our own full of drama and all, things that will piss you off every friggin’ minute but a place you just gotta love! Ciao.

Authored by Helen (ai51182@yahoo.co.uk)
Helen is one of our admins here at ‘La Critique and can be reached at http://www.facebook.com/TheCritiques

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Comments
  1. kendra says:

    Lmao! Eko o ni baje o! Nice one, Haych.

  2. That is a super-peachy-keen post. Thanks for really blathering on like that! Seriously, I don’t think I could have spent more effort wishing for something heavy to fall on me to erase that nonsense from my mind!

  3. That is a super-peachy-keen post. Thanks for really blathering on like that! Seriously, I don’t think I could have spent more effort wishing for something heavy to fall on me to erase that nonsense from my mind!

  4. Don says:

    dis is really really gud i love it and again “eko o ni baje oooo” fashola style…

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