5 reasons why you wouldn’t wanna be famous

Posted: May 18, 2011 in Music, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Yeah, yeah… I know what you are all thinking… “Has she lost her frigging mind? Why I wouldn’t want to be famous?!” Before you condemn me to a life of certifiable insanity, at least hear me out. I am an ardent fan of music and wealth, and lately I’ve been thinking about ways to get rich through music. So I decided to take a look at the lives of some people that have gone down that road, and it’s amazing to see what fame can do to a person. I’m not really good with words, so I compiled some ‘Before meets After’ pictures to show you what I mean… enjoy!

1.

Christopher Maurice

CASE STUDY: Awww, he’s so cuuuute! Okay, I’ll try and focus. This is Christopher Maurice, born May 5, 1989. This cutie here was discovered at the age of 13 by a local production team who visited his father’s gas station in the backwater town of Tappahannock, Virginia while searching for new talent. Two years later, Tina Davis — then senior A&R executive at Def Jam Recordings — discovered him while he was working with some local producers. 7 years, four albums, and a bunch of movies later…

Chris Breezy


Name: Chris Breezy

Age: 22

Diagnosis: Major anger issues; Beating up hot chics, busting studio windows, that kinda ish…

2.

Miley

CASE STUDY: If you’re a faithful Disney Channel fan like I am, then this lil sweetheart needs no introduction. For you Stone Agers, this is Destiny Hope Cyrus, A.K.A Miley Ray Cyrus. Born November 23, 1992 in Nashville, Tennessee. She started acting really early and got her big break at age 12 when she landed the role of Disney’s Hannah Montana. She’s your typical, all-American, Daddy’s girl, innocent eyes, sweet smile… at least she was, until…


Name: Miley Cyrus

Age: 18

Diagnosis: I’m thinking Identity Confusion. I mean with Destiny Hope Cyrus, Miley Ray Cyrus, Miley Stewart, Hannah Montana, and Crazy-avian-chic-in-a-cage to choose from, who can blame her?!

3.

Rihanna


CASE STUDY: Ah, yes… we all know her. We all danced to the music of the sun at some point or the other. Miss Robyn Fenty here released her debut single, “Pon de Replay”, on August 22, 2005, which peaked at number two on the Billboard Hot 100 and the UK Singles Chart. It became a global hit where it peaked within the top ten across fifteen countries. Her debut album, Music of the Sun, was released in August 2005 in the United States. The album reached number ten on the Billboard 200, selling 69,000 copies in its first week. A very promising start, wouldn’t you say? Well, something must have gone very wrong along the way, because…

Ri-ri


Name: Rihanna

Age: 23

Diagnosis: Very disturbing sexual preferences (“Na na na, come on!” Uh… No thanks!!!)

4


Young Britney Spears

CASE STUDY: Hmmm, where to begin… Okay, now we are going to look at former Teen Idol Britney Jean Spears. Born on December 2, 1981 in Kentwood, Louisiana, Britney made her local stage debut at age five, singing “What Child Is This?” at her kindergarten graduation. Her first album, Baby One More Time, was released on January 1999 and became the biggest selling album ever by a teenage artist. In summary, this chic was a teen legend and became an international pop culture icon immediately after launching her recording career. Where that got her…? Take a look…

Britney -Loco


Name: Britney Spears

Age: 29

Diagnosis: It’s hard to pick between her terrible relationship choices and her absolute cluelessness at parenting so, I’m just gonna let you figure this one out.

5.


CASE STUDY: Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, born March 28, 1986 in New York City and was raised a Roman Catholic. She learned to play piano from the age of four, went on to write her first piano ballad at 13 and began performing at open mike nights by age 14. Sounds like a young aspiring Mozart, aye? Still trying to figure out who she is…? Wait for it…

Lady Gaga


Name: Lady Gaga

Age: 25

Diagnosis: Um… she’s LADY GAGA!!! What more are you expecting to hear???

Anyway, I hope that with these few points of mine, I hope that I have been able to convince you beyond any shadow of doubt that it is a totally terrible idea for you to get rich and famous. Now that this is over and done with, I’m off to go make me a sweet pile o’ cash. See ya around, folks. Hee-haw!

Authored by Kendra; (nnachikendra@gmail.com)
Kendra is one of our admins here at ‘La Critique’ and can be reached at http://www.facebook.com/TheCritiques

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Comments
  1. Don says:

    This is really good, love it the lady gag part is very scary…

  2. jide lawal says:

    Fame has its price…. Bu I fink I like it any way

  3. chuck says:

    me thinks that for fame and fortune…eerrrr..if craziness is the price to pay..well point me to the nearest payment center please!!

  4. FlyyNess says:

    I’m with chuck on that. Besides, like I always say, sanity is boring.

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