8 Things Driving Me Nuts At The Moment

Posted: March 29, 2011 in Uncategorized
Heres a list of a few things that drove me nuts today

TV commercials: Growing up in Nigeria, there were no doubt commercials on TV. In a 30 minute show there would probably be about 5minutes or maybe 7 of commercials. On getting over here, it’s like watching commercials with bits of TV in it. Imagine watching 15 minutes of commercials in a 30 minute show??

As I write this now I have watched 8 different commercials back to back.. No wait make that 9!!! Trust them to slot the commercials in at the peak of a suspenseful moment and you have to wait like 5 minutes to get back to the show only to watch 10 minutes and have another 5 minutes of commercials follow it.
Product Warnings: Here’s how it works:  a commercial for something as simple as a pain reliever comes on, and they go “Alabukun is the best  headache and pain reliever for you it cures multiple symptoms and is  Available nationwide” notice that took just 9 or 10  seconds. Here’s what comes after that “Do not take alabukun if you have symptoms of malaria, alabukun has been known to cause liver damage. Heart attack rates have increased in patients who take alabukun. Contact your doctor if you notice stomach pains after taking it might be  a side effect and can lead to brain damage. In about 4 percent of users kidney damage has been noticed. Blood clots and blocked arteries can occur when you take alabukun for more than 2 days”… And so on and so on. This goes on for at least another 3 minutes. Now tell me why I wouldn’t just rather die with the headache than all the other scary sickness I “might” get if I take the said alabukun!
Drive through Banking: This is arguably one of the dumbest ideas ever. Here’s how it works. You drive up to this Shute, type stuff and someone in the office greets you and you say I want to withdraw some money. The person then sends you a withdrawal slip and a pen through the Shute. You reach out of your window and get the forms. You fill it out and include your ID into the Shute with the slip and send it back
You then sit and wait till your money is sent back down. It’s important to note that the banks are mostly empty over here. They should come and see First bank or Union Bank in Naija! Smh.. Why not just go in rather than burn your fuel in your car? We all know the exercise isn’t a bad thing.
Choices/variety: I know having choices is really not a bad thing but I have realized that indeed too much of everything is not good. Why would I ask for cheese and you tell me “do I want American or cheddar or mozzarella or provolone or blah blah blah”. I actually took time to try all of them and they all taste the same. At least in my mouth. So what’s the point? I say “I  want chicken wings” and they reply with “do you want lemon pepper, BBQ, buffalo and blah blah blah”. I say “BBQ”.  They reply with “do you want mild medium or hot”? All this while I am a second away from saying “can I just have some damn wings”?? I want coffee, “do you want Brazilian, Mexican, Colombian, Kenyan blah  blah blah”. Errrr coffee is coffee innit. I grew up knowing Nescafe.  Simple.  It was either that or nothing.
Hidden Charges and the Fine print: Before now, if I wanted anything like a phone, Or say cable. I just go to the shop and I say this is what I want, and they say this is how much it would cost and that was it. Maybe there was fine print but it’s never hurt me. Lets be honest, how many of you actually read the fine print when you were signing your cable contract or even when filling out a bank application form? I’m sure you didn’t. I did that here and I had myself to blame. I didn’t know my Bill would go hit the roof after 3 months. So here I am, 3 months later with a significant bump in my bill and I call the customer service people and they say “oh it was in your contract you had some free channels but after 3 months you have to start paying”. I say “what”?? “Why didn’t you tell me this”? The reply; “it was in your contract”.
You see a billboard that says GET $400 BACK AT WALMART WHEN YOU SPEND $100*
*subject to credit approval and only available to people from Guatemala
How am I supposed to read that tiny thing while I drive by? Am I supposed to park my car and get a ladder to read that? So I drive to the store only to find out I can’t get the $400 because I am not from Guatemala. Note that I only find this out after spending $100. Yet my country is the one with the scam stamp!
Including/Excluding tax: I go in a store I ask for a notebook. It says $2.54 including tax. In my head that means tax is already factored into the price right? Come to find out I have to pay tax at d cashier.
So when you say excluding tax does it mean tax free? Why don’t you just give me a fixed price on it and do away with the excluding or including tax. It’s not like the price of oil fluctuating affects said tax! Or is the tax free price supposed to give me a false feeling of wealth so I get my hopes dashed when I get to the cashier?
Animal protection: OMG! I swear animals have more rights than humans over here. You see a flock of geese crossing the road, you have to wait. What would be my excuse for being late to work? “it was the ducks boss, I swear”. A while back, there was this lady who had a cat always scratching on her door at night and she couldn’t sleep. This went on for weeks. One night she took the cat and dropped it in the garbage bin. Someone apparently caught the whole thing on tape and YouTube was the next bustop. Not like the cat died or anything. By the next day she got so many death threats, she had to have police protection for a couple of weeks! You see a really fat wild duck just strolling by on your property. Damn Duck stew would hit the spot right now. Try am naaa! You would blame yourself.
Do it yourself (DIY): Call me lazy but seriously I am fed up with all the DIY things over here. You buy a bed, you have to put it together yourself. Your mailbox lock is bad you have to install a new one yourself. You want to paint your house, do it your bloody self! Seriously I have seen people who fix their entire roofs by themselves.  People who re- tile their houses themselves. Just so you’d know, I did try to get someone to fix the lock on my mailbox for me. When he told me it would cost $20 to fix a $6 lock, I smiled and said I would call back and went to work on my mail box right away. Whatever happened to going across the road to get Mufu to come fix it for 100 naira? So here I am with 2 set of tools, a power drill and a whole library of DIY manuals.

Authored by: Chuck. (chuck_charlie99@yahoo.com)

Chuck is one of the admins here at “The Critiques” and runs his own blog ( http://www.blogblogaboutit.blogspot.com )

  1. rhapsodi says:

    LOLZZZ,nice one… so u prefer naija den?? the mufu bit got me :-), nice!

  2. Iceman says:

    Lovely piece…The pat about the choices and variety really cracked me up and the product warnings too Lmao!!! good one bruv. two thumbs up!

  3. akilapa thunder says:

    Feeling the boy o…feeling all the things wey dey drive u nuts…will check for more juicy facts later

  4. chuck says:

    fact is everything is a whole lot straight forward in naija.
    theres no time for the unimportant..

  5. Don Mutombo says:

    this is crazy all these thing are just so so so so so so so so so…ridiculous man i am still laughing here…LMFYO…

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